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Quick email help

(13 posts)
  • Started 9 years ago by fimm
  • Latest reply from fimm
  • This topic is resolved

  1. fimm
    Member

    Please critique the following email:

    (Context - our office is rather in the middle of the nowhere and has somewhat inadequate car parking. My employer contracts a minibus to transport staff to and from the nearest railway station.)

    Dear <unfortunate person whose problem this is>

    As I was cycling from the office on my way to the station yesterday afternoon, I noticed a white minibus parked in the layby at the top of the hill. As I passed, the driver pulled out (going in the opposite direction) and I saw that he was using a handheld phone. I saw it quite clearly, held up to his ear. I made a gesture of holding a phone to my ear and then pointed at the driver, which I assume he saw as he put the phone down very quickly.

    I then realised that it was the minibus that is contracted to <company X> to take our staff to the station.
    I realise that you only have my word for this, but I hope you will have a word where you think it is appropriate.

    Regards
    fimm

    How strongly do you think I should word my last sentence?

    Posted 9 years ago #

  2. SRD
    Moderator

    stronger.

    Posted 9 years ago #

  3. I were right about that saddle
    Member

    @fimm

    Use the term 'putting our colleagues' lives at risk'.

    Posted 9 years ago #

  4. fimm
    Member

    Hmm
    He wasn't transporting anyone at the time - he was on the way to the office to pick people up.

    How about "I hope you will make it clear that this is unacceptable" ?
    or
    "I hope you will make it clear that this illegal and dangerous behaviour is unacceptable, regardless of whether passengers are being transported" ?

    Posted 9 years ago #

  5. SRD
    Moderator

    "He wasn't transporting anyone at the time - he was on the way to the office to pick people up."

    what about you?

    Posted 9 years ago #

  6. fimm
    Member

    I was more responding to IWRATS' line about "putting our colleagues' lives at risk" and remarking that it was not specifically my colleagues but anyone who happened to be using the road at the time.

    Posted 9 years ago #

  7. wingpig
    Member

    I hope you will duly notify the contractor to remind the offender and all their other drivers of their obligation to obey road laws, created for the safety of all road users (and users of nearby footways), whether driving as part of their profession or privately.

    Posted 9 years ago #

  8. SRD
    Moderator

    still...

    how about 'I was disappointed to see this behaviour from a driver who has daily responsibility for my safety and that of my colleagues'?

    Posted 9 years ago #

  9. fimm
    Member

    Oh, I like both of those, wingpig, SRD. I think I'll use a combination of both of those.
    Thank you for all the comments, appreciated.

    Posted 9 years ago #

  10. fimm
    Member

    Update.

    The person-whose-problem-this-is came and spoke to me this morning (I was on leave yesterday). She'd only managed to get hold of the person in charge of the minibus late on Friday. I understand he was not happy (this is an understatement).

    The phone-using driver was not driving the minibus this morning.

    Posted 9 years ago #

  11. chdot
    Admin

    Well done.

    'It's only a little phonecall' is (for some) like 'it's only a little bit over the drink-drive limit'.

    'Anyway I'm safe. That law is for other people.'

    Posted 9 years ago #

  12. chdot
    Admin

    Also

    fimm, can you also tell "unfortunate person whose problem this is" that 'we' (most I hope) are pleased that xCo has a 'minibus from/to station' option AND took your complaint seriously.

    Posted 9 years ago #

  13. fimm
    Member

    Good point. Have emailed "the person whose problem this is".

    Posted 9 years ago #

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