Hehe, I'm sure I can't be a righteous cyclist except for..
"even moving to a new apartment by bicycle"
Done several times. But then I don't have a car. Oh hang on..
"all of these cyclists will take great pains to remind you that they don't have a car"
Yeah but I really like cycling and hate driving anyway so that is okay. Oh hang on..
"It's difficult to ascertain how many of them are just a cleverly worded pamphlet away from defecting to Rollerblades."
I have done this in the past and still would if work were closer/flatter. :-D
Bow before me inferior persons!