All men have secrets and here is mine. So let it be known that I just did possibly the worst bit of spannering I have ever done.
Was asked by a pal to show her how to take square taper cranks off. On my suggestion she'd got herself a scrapper bike off the council's stairwell clearing team to learn on. So I nipped round to her garden with a bag of tools. Rats, bike is really old and has ordinary bolts on the cranks. Back home to get sockets, bit of a rush.
Drive side crank not keen to come off after thirty years. Tommy bar, blowlamp. Crack. Off she drops.
Non-drive side seems absolutely welded. Steel crank though so I persist, feeling my way. CRACK. Has the crank moved? What has happened? Ah, my brand new Park Tools crank extractor has snapped, leaving the stub in the crank which is firmly attached. By the bolt I forgot to remove.
I am beetroot. Pal gets on street whatsapp group and five minutes later a hacksaw and a brand-new angle-grinder are delivered by children. I saw into the crank and drift out the remains of the tool. Nip home for my spare crank extractor. The crank is too weak to hold it with the sawn section missing. I steel myself and begin sawing, letting the blade follow the square taper. Fifteen minutes later I bang in a screwdriver and split the crank.
We continue to strip down the frame. Pal has learned that old bikes need some rough treatment. She hammers the seized stem out of the steerer and notes the missing quill. The non-cartridge bottom bracket only finger-tight by contrast.
Pal tells me not to worry and feeds me ale from the keg and we lose track of time and I get stern looks when I arrive home.
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