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Fat Man in a Porsche

(23 posts)
  • Started 13 years ago by Wilmington's Cow
  • Latest reply from kaputnik

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  1. Wilmington's Cow
    Member

    Ah, the joys of driver psychology.

    Filtering past a queue of cars, seeing the way ahead blocked, and the lights about to turn green I stop just ahead of a red Porker 911 Carrera. Red means it's faster. Except when in a queue. Fat, be-suited, middle-aged driver clearly takes exception to having spent so much on a car and have a bike overtaking him, floors it as the traffic starts to move. Of course I'm keeping pace (indeed have to brake) with the car in front, so he sits alongside, and gradually moves left.

    Thing is, I know he's not going to risk scratching that car, so I hold my line. Plus there are railings coming up that I'd rather not be crushed against. He sits around 6 inches to my right, slightly overlapping, unable to overtake because of traffic to his right, and my position. Pointless anyway, I'm still the same distance behind the car in front which has slowed to let another car in who was in the wrong lane.

    Then the gap opens. All of ten yards of it. The exhaust pops and crackles as he hammers it, swings left, and looks in his mirror with an angry glance. I breezily check behind, see a gap to the next car and move to the right side of the Porker. Why? Well I'm turning right ahead, in the clear lane, he's turning left, with another queue ahead...

    I sit up, turn and smile as I pass him.

    The psychology is funny. Partly I've spent a fortune on this car, I'm not letting a pleb on a bike ahead of me, and partly This is a fast car, and I'll prove it by overtaking a bike. Small appendages make fat chaps in fast cars do funny things.

    The staying calm and smiley in the face of moronic stupidity method of dealing with things is to be highly recommended...

    Posted 13 years ago #

  2. amir
    Member

    You get the same from drivers in Vauxhall Corsas.

    It would be a good song title though "Fat Man in a Porsche".

    by The Smiths?

    Posted 13 years ago #

  3. Arellcat
    Moderator

    I think you may mean the kings of big, Mammoth:

    [+] Embed the video | Video DownloadGet the Video Player

    Posted 13 years ago #

  4. Min
    Member

    Funny how the majority of the YOU'RE IN MY WAY moronicness comes when you are not actually in the way isn't it?

    Posted 13 years ago #

  5. chdot
    Admin

    "when you are not actually in the way isn't it"

    Oh but you ARE.

    They obviously just want to tailgate and intimidate the driver in front...

    IF there is any thought behind such nonsense, it probably is about intimidation - 'persuading' people to stop cycling so that they can never be 'in the way' in future.

    I'm sure it must be illegal in various ways - Anth - ?

    Posted 13 years ago #

  6. gembo
    Member

    I took great pride in a race between my tricross and a Chrysler Crossfire (is that the name -quite a big silver coupe) from Gillespies X-road to Balerno. He revved past me - nice bit of acceleration but the A70 heading west at home time on a Friday has many people turning right which snags cars but not bikes so I get back in front, he revs past again etcetera. Finally at traffic lights on edge of Balerno it is nip and tuck but he decides not to accelerate through the amber in what I thought was a sensible piece of driving. Did allow me to go up onto the pavement [just to cross it] and get home first. Ah, the joys

    Posted 13 years ago #

  7. ruggtomcat
    Member

    As soon as I saw the thread title I knew anth was behind it...

    Posted 13 years ago #

  8. Its_Me_Knees
    Member

    Blessed (or burdened) with a PhD in Biochemistry, over the years I've had a few folk (usually of the Harry Enfield I'm considerably richer than you type) ask something along the lines of "If you're so clever why aren't you rich?" My comeback (after a fashion) has been to suggest that there is no direct correlation between intelligence and significant wealth.

    I have two good pillars of evidence to support this contention: The first observation is the rank absurdity of seriously minted individuals such as our Fat Man In A Porsche spending tens - even hundreds - of thousands of pounds on a vehicle equipped with mesmerically powerful engines, state-of-the art electronics and stop-on-a-sixpence braking systems in order to drive at an average 11 mph around Britain's congested city centres. Even an (illegal) 100 mph blast along the M6 would only be using half the capabilities of the supercar Mr.Porker spent all that cash on, and would carry with it the risk of killing himself (hopefully) or other folk (hopefully not). Maybe that frustration, combined with a limited intellect, explains Fat Man's need to express his machismo by furiously overtaking a pedal bike.

    Oh, and the other pillar of evidence demonstrating a lack of correlation between intelligence and wealth? I give you: Paris Hilton.

    Posted 13 years ago #

  9. Its_Me_Knees
    Member

    @Arellcat: a tenuous link in extremis, but back in the day my wife's driving instructor was Mac from Mammoth...

    Posted 13 years ago #

  10. splitshift
    Member

    porker psychology !
    Actually ver nice cars, tend to have only a couple of types of drivers, first tend to be ( confused ) motoring enthusiasts, who will prob have exceptionally well named and appointed bycicles that dont ever do much, but are generally ok people who dont hate anyone. And the other lot, fat, stripy shirted,expensive cologne dripping,mont blanc pen sporting,absolute bankers ! (insert your own employment group ! ) They have to be loud, have to (frequently ) tel you how much their house has increased in value, how great their mobile tarrif is and if your no one is listening, then thy will send a death by power point presentation ! or prob get some lower caste member of their massaging staff to do it !Old porshes are lovely, new ones are prob the same, ( take some time before I know ), but if the gap between traffic lights is suitable, you can almost cause a cardiac arrest if you can beat them in of all things, a lorry ! It can be done ! Cars arnt to be hated, just SOME of the folks that drive em ! what about audi Q7s ? Exactly what is the point of them ? am sure ford produced a much cheaper version, its called a transit mini bus !looks about the same !!!!

    Posted 13 years ago #

  11. ruggtomcat
    Member

    Lol, nice post Splits.

    I am loving continental drivers, have never felt so respected on the road. Even from fat guys in sports cars.

    Posted 13 years ago #

  12. wee folding bike
    Member

    Bigger brained Blockheads often acquire
    Black and orange cars
    Premature ejaculation drivers
    Their soft-top's got roll-bars

    Posted 13 years ago #

  13. TwoWheels
    Member

    I read the thread title and immediately Little Feat's "Fat Man in the Bathtub" started running through my mind.

    Today, I stopped at a light behind a Porsche with vanity plates saying "BXSTER" on them. Really, dude, if you have to *tell* me the model of your $120,000 car, do you think I'm the kind of person who gives a crap?

    Besides, to me, all a car like that says to me is "I pwn you," because when I'm 4 wheels on the road, I'm driving a mammoth Nissan Titan with dents on either side. I wanna cut you off, I can cut you off without compunction, because I know a scratch on Precious will make you cry, and if you try to force the issue, what my truck will do to your toy Won't Buff Out.

    [/rant]

    That probably gives you some sense of the state of our roadways here. And I'm one of the nice guys.

    Posted 13 years ago #

  14. ruggtomcat
    Member

    Posted 13 years ago #

  15. Wilmington's Cow
    Member

    Splitters, I'm with you on old Porsches; buying a new one just seems to smack of a lack of imagination to me...

    IMK, to Paris Hilton I would add Messrs Rooney, Gerrard et al (see, I'm a football and car fan, what I hate is the abuse of both).

    Posted 13 years ago #

  16. Wilmington's Cow
    Member

    And @ruggtomcat... I'm not that predictable am I? ;)

    Posted 13 years ago #

  17. ruggtomcat
    Member

    Posted 13 years ago #

  18. Arellcat
    Moderator

    ...I'm driving a mammoth Nissan Titan with dents on either side.

    From the Wickedpedia:

    "All Titans come standard with a 32 Valve 5.6L engine, generating 305hp and 385 lbft ... 0-60mph 6.7s ... weight 2285 kg"

    Holy cow, TwoWheels. I hope your petrol is cheaper than ours!

    Still, looks like it has plenty of room to put bikes in the back. :-)

    Posted 13 years ago #

  19. TwoWheels
    Member

    ...Still, looks like it has plenty of room to put bikes in the back. :-)

    True dat. I'd wager even a monstrousbike would fit.

    Posted 13 years ago #

  20. ruggtomcat
    Member

    Had my first bit of silly German driving today, was overtaken by someone who immediately turned left (not a left hook as this is Germany so not that bad) Guess what car they were driving?

    Posted 13 years ago #

  21. kaputnik
    Moderator

    Had my first bit of silly German driving today

    Were they in a silly German "executive saloon"?

    Posted 13 years ago #

  22. ruggtomcat
    Member

    no... Ill give you a clue, it begins with 'P'.

    Posted 13 years ago #

  23. kaputnik
    Moderator

    Prius? They're generally driven by sillyots.

    Posted 13 years ago #

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