As flagged up by the Bike Coop's newsletter...
THE BICYCLE
The bicycle is the modern substitute for the horse. It is much swifter and a great deal stronger, as any one can see who has ever watched the bicycle when it came to a standstill and backed. It will throw a man twice as far as a horse can, and instead of running from him jumps upon him and holds him down. This is one reason why the bicycle is driving the horse out of the market. A man doesn't like to have to hunt his horse up every time he gets thrown. It is much pleasanter to have the bicycle hunt him up.
The bicycle consists of two wheels and a backbone. The seat is sometimes on the backbone, and sometimes in front. When it is in front it is called a "header". The two wheels run in the same plane, until that plane is intersected by a stone or rut. Then the wheels stop running, and the rider's nose begins. This feat is called "painting his vest red". It is not a difficult feat to learn - in fact, it is rather difficult to avoid.
When a bicycle runs down hill, it is customary for the rider to put on the brake. This is not done because he dislikes to ride fast, but because he wishes to gaze upon the scenery more intently - and especially upon that portion of the scenery which lies directly in front of the large wheel of the machine. The brake is a very cunning arrangement. It consists of a hollow spoon-shaped piece of steel, which fits over the tire of the large wheel, and is pressed down upon it by a lever. Some riders do not believe in using a brake. They prefer to take their header at the foot of the hill instead of half-way up. It saves time.
Besides being swifter, stronger, and more affectionate than the horse, the bicycle is also cheaper. Its food, however, is somewhat more costly. The horse is contented with oats and hay. The bicycle must have cloth.
There is one thing very fortunate for those who wish to purchase bicycles - the number of second-hand machines offered for sale is always quite large. This is, of course, to be expected from the great popularity of the bicycle, and is one of its chief recommendations as compared with the old fashioned horse. A second-hand bicycle "as good as new", may be purchased at any time for "considerably less than it cost its owner". This is true when the doctor's and clothier's bill are taken into the account.
Nor need it be feared that the secondhand bicycle is at all lacking in the distinctive qualities of the original article. I have seen a young man with this nose out of joint, and four distinct lame spots in his gait, who assured me that his machine was a secondhand one - that is, it was for sale. The secondhand bicycle, like the confirmed mule, is often more energetic than the young and inexperienced article.
Those who spend their money on bicycles are fond of trying to make their friends believe that it is the easiest thing in the world to learn to ride. Well, so it is. The bicycle can be mastered in much less time than it takes to learn a trade, and when the art is once learned it can never be forgotten. There is something about the bicycle which sticks to a person. Sometimes it is the dust; sometimes the oil - more frequently a mixture of the two.
If a practical man asks, what are a few of the principal uses of the bicycle? It is easy to enumerate them as follows:
1. The bicycle is a good road machine; i.e., it is the machine for a good road.
2. It removes superfluous fat, both by external and internal methods.
3. It can rest without lying down.
4. It never runs away unless there is somebody on top of it.
5. It displays the calf.
There is probably no other method of locomotion which combines all the above advantages.
The tricycle differs from the bicycle in that it runs on three wheels and has no seat in front. It can get over somewhat more ground in a day than a rocking chair, but is not so comfortable to ride.
The future of the bicycle is very promising. It has already revolutionised the science of locomotion, and has become such a familiar object on the rural highway that only one granger out of seven wants to know if "that ere thing is a new fangled sort of a mowing machine?" The time is surely coming when everybody will own a bicycle - not necessarily for locomotion, but only as evidence of good credit.
The bicycle is not a toy - anybody who has ever wrestled with it will admit that. It is a practical road machine, unexcelled in removing stones from the public highway and in indicating the presence of sand. Next to the wheelbarrow, it is the safest known carriage. It never bites ladies or children, and doesn't scare worth a cent. If you want fun, buy a bicycle; if you don't - buy one, too. The bicycle never disappoints. It is right there every time.
American Traveller
Manchester Evening News, Monday 6 April 1885
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