Dear Mr BMW Pillock
I must admit I am aware that this morning, on a long straight road with perfect sight lines, and in clear daylight from behind given near ideal visibility, I was riding somewhat out from the left hand side of the road. Given the aforementioned sight lines and visibility I would have hoped you would realise this was because the left hand side of the road was a parking area, with a parked car ahead, just before a set of traffic lights, on red, with queuing traffic behind it, curling past the parked car. Maybe you were a little too focussed on desperately trying to get past the cyclist to notice all of this, and maybe that's why, not having yet overtaken the cyclist, you started moving back in left.
I must apologise, because while I shouted "Oi! I'm still here!" I did not catch your response as, I surmise, you lacked the intelligence to wind down your window, leaving the shout somewhat muffled.
I must confess I did hear the beeping thereafter from you behind me. I would have tried to move left to let such a dignified and important individual as yourself go past me, but at the time I was passing the parked car I referred to earlier, then moving left to go past the cars waiting to turn right, and had a Kia in front of me that was slowing me down. After this I would have tried to move a little more quickly as your beeping continued inches from my back wheel, I tried to urge myself on, but I had hit the wall... Of cars ahead that were travelling at 17mph in a big queue.
I must commiserate that we were not able to chat through your utter moronic gimboidness, but those queuing cars were then turning right, blocking the road, save for a gap large enough for half a BMW (or about 3 bikes) to go past to carry on in a straight ahead direction. I did not hear you beeping at those cars impeding your forward momentum, but I can only put this down to me being so far away and therefore out of earshot.
I must, finally, offer my sincerest of condolences for your loss of face, looking daft to passing pedestrians, and the (lacking) size of your male appendage. I would have stopped to have an exchange of views, but I find talking with the hard of thinking to be a trying experience at the best of times and I may have had to hand you your head on a plate.
Oh, and you're fat.
Yours sincerely
Anth
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