acsimpson gets the award for spotting the second deliberate mistake!
I should probably blame my father. A great Aberdonian mis-use is 'how' instead of 'why'.
"I'm going into town."
"How?"
"To get the messages."
And my dad was determined when we moved there (and I was 4) that I wouldn't take on those phrases (instead retaining some Geordie ones like instead of getting into trouble I was "given wrong").
Then, in the summer between the end of my standard grades and the start of highers, he made me do an Open University grammar course, believing this is what would make for a good grade in English, when in fact what you were supposed to do was just repeat what the teacher told you to write (I got failed in my prelim because I answered a question on a book I'd read on my own and not as part of the class - the teacher admitted she hadn't even read the answer because how could she determine I'd done well if she didn't know the book...)